Raising a Self-Disciplined Child

Children with self-discipline needs limits and that is simply because as soon as they are disciplined to follow rules and limits we as parents set, children learn self-control. Through self-control they build on their self-discipline and that cannot be done without empathetic limits. The reason why empathetic limits are essential is that children must choose to follow rules and limits in order to develop self-discipline. As soon as your practice setting empathetic limits your child is likely to become disciplined even though he or she might not like it, however they do feel your compassion and understanding. They are thus fighting to struggle against limits you set and their own desires as they want something very important from you and that is the loving connection with you, the parent. This child is thus regulating his or her own impulses successfully, thus developing a strong sense of self-discipline. Your child internalizes your values and rules and without giving up his or her integrity and free will decide that they want to please you instead of being forced to do so. Once the connection is made that your child wants to please you at all costs you must remain truly connected to the child and include empathy throughout his or her life and even when you have to say no. You might question what an empathetic “no” looks or sound like? Saying no with empathy means that you fully understand and see their point of view, yet informing the child why your rules and limitations are necessary. It is essential that you know and realize that limits must not only truly be worth setting, but remaining consistent about it too. Everybody has their own limits in regards to priorities, for example some Household might have strict neatness and noise limitations while others are focused on health, safety and respectful relationships, etc. however keep in mind that your child is a developing human and just as you are not perfect, neither can they be and saying no to much could be an undermining factor in your relationship too and as such your child’s self-discipline.